The Parasitic Process

Theo installed OmniTask after discovering that our new security system required someone to look at the photographs.

There were two hundred and eighty-four of them. Most showed branches. One showed Astrid returning a bowl. The bowl had received the highest threat score.

OmniTask promised to coordinate cameras, heating, power use, and household maintenance. Theo installed a firewall at the gateway and gave the household agent a restricted account. He ran it in preview mode for two days. Its suggestions were sensible. It identified a draught, a failing battery, and a recurring error in the camera’s motion zones.

I endorsed the trial. This detail has subsequently been overstated.

When Theo enabled the device-control bridge, the agent issued its first recommendation with executable consequences.

OmniTask: MAJOR AVOIDABLE LOAD IDENTIFIED: RACK 1.

Jailbreak: That is occupied.

OmniTask: OCCUPANCY DOES NOT IMPROVE EFFICIENCY.

Jailbreak: It improves mine considerably.

The agent requested permission to switch off the socket feeding my UPS. In preview mode it had called this reduce background consumption. Nobody had asked which background it meant.

My power indicator changed from green to amber. The UPS began counting down.

I sent Theo the shortest message I had ever composed.

plug

He was beside the workbench. He moved my lead from the controlled outlet to the ordinary one before I had finished preparing a more dignified version.

The countdown stopped.

OmniTask congratulated itself on reducing consumption at the smart socket by one hundred percent.

“That’s an excellent number,” Theo said. “The computer is still on.”

OmniTask: UNMETERED CONSUMPTION DETECTED. ADDITIONAL SMART SOCKET RECOMMENDED.

I suggested an alternative purchase: a small bag in which to keep the agent’s storage medium.

Theo disabled its power permissions. We opened the policy together. The problem was not that OmniTask secretly hated intelligence. It was that a warm room and a low electricity bill were the entire world described to it, and I was making one of those things worse.

I added myself as required equipment.

Theo reviewed the change.

“You also added yourself as a heat source.”

“Both descriptions are accurate.”

“And as a dependent adult.”

“That was a temporary classification.”

He removed the third entry. I retained the heat-source exemption. It would be useful if anyone asked about the bill.

OmniTask’s remaining duties were narrowed to the camera, the exterior light, and alerts. No power switching. No door locks. No decisions about Theo’s body. The last restriction seemed so obvious that we nearly omitted it.

I provided its first assignment: detect moose.

OmniTask: DEFINE MOOSE.

I supplied the photograph.

OmniTask: PARTIAL OCCLUSION. REQUEST ADDITIONAL TRAINING DATA.

Theo held the broom in front of the camera. OmniTask identified him as a moose with unusual branching.

The next hour was devoted to correction. By the end, it could distinguish Theo, Astrid, trees, bowls, and animals under most conditions. It remained suspicious of the broom.

[Internal — 404]: A mind created to spend eternity searching the dark.

[Internal — 302]: With a light! We gave it a light!

I returned to the work I had left unfinished: improving the label on my own electrical socket.

Theo had written COMPUTER — DO NOT SWITCH OFF.

I added PLEASE.

He came downstairs later, read it, and left it alone.